


Small-billed Swans

by Ryuu (Alex_senpai)



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen, Hints of KilluGon, Killua is just mentioned, M/M, Post-Election Arc, References to Chimera Ant Arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 00:40:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14461329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alex_senpai/pseuds/Ryuu
Summary: Viewing the clashing of blue and orange in the distant sky, Gon thinks of how much he misses his best friend, and the things he wants to tell him.





	Small-billed Swans

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! 
> 
> It's honestly my first time to post a fanfic in this fandom, so I would like to hear your criticisms regarding this work! I just did this in a flash, so I would like to know whether the characters are OOC or not. Any way, just tell me what you think of it after reading it! I will try to respond as soon as possible.
> 
> Also, I'm quite happy to be able to write in this amazing fandom, as Hunter x Hunter is actually one of my favorite anime! That's why when an idea suddenly popped up in my head, I immediately went to write it! 
> 
> Also, just to inform you, this is pronoun hell. The pronouns used for Kite are always interchanged. Don't worry, I use he for the references of human Kite and she for the present Kite. 
> 
> Without further ado, let's go on with the story!

He misses him with every fiber of his being.

 

He misses the way his eyes glow under the scorching heat of the sun, like the oceans illuminating the sun’s rays under its punishing heat. He misses the way his white, snow hair flows with the wind at a windy day, or the way it feels so out-of-place in a sea of a thousand crowds. He misses the way he laughs, the way he talks, the way he _looks_ at him, full of love and care.

 

He misses _Killua Zoldyck._

Gon sat by the edge of the boat as it waved along the crashing waters of the oceans. The boat danced like a ballerina under the spotlight, making him quite dizzy. But this was nothing to the scorching feelings that pervaded through his chest like a wildfire. They burned him in many ways he couldn’t even imagine.

 

It wasn’t supposed to be this difficult. After all, they can still talk through their phones for hours. They can still hear each other’s voices, talk like they’re still together and share a thousand stories with no care around them.

 

But he feels like he isn’t any more in that position to ask for something as _selfish_ as that.

 

Gon stood up from his seat and carefully maneuvered himself towards the sill, inhaling the fresh wind that pushed towards his face. The wind looked like it is pushing him away from seeing the beauty of the sea. But he pushed through, like he always did. He was suffocating from the thoughts of being with his _best friend_ and he decided to inhale a bit of the fresh wind to free the feelings constricting his chest.

 

“Gon, how are you feeling?”

 

As he stood up towards the rising sun and admiring the clashing of red and blue, he looked at the source of voice, to see Kite looking at him, worry lacing her features.

 

Putting a smile on his face and putting aside his dilemma, Gon greeted Kite with his usual enthusiasm.

 

“I’m fine! How about you, Kite?” Gon asked in an enthusiastic way, waving his hand up in the air.

 

“I’m also fine,” Kite said and walked towards Gon’s right, looking at the distant sea as the sun slowly rose from behind the clouds.

 

To be honest, Gon still felt a tinge of guilt whenever he sees the new form of Kite. Kite, the one who became the main force for him to become a Hunter. Kite, who taught him the idea of not going into a fox bear territory during their mating season, who slapped him as a sign of care for him. Kite, the one who was the closest to a father figure to him.

 

Kite, the one he was too weak to save from the hands of a Chimera Ant.

 

Guilt washed over Gon like a boiling water, burning him and making him feel so naked and vulnerable to the cold wind. He hasn’t still moved on completely from that incident from months ago.

 

Her form right now as a Chimera Ant reminds Gon that it was partly his fault that he ended up like this.

 

Moreover, he made so many mistakes during that time. So many to overlook that he himself gets _second-hand embarrassment_ whenever he remembers how idiotic he was. (Is it even possible to get second-hand embarrassment from your memories?)

 

Gon shook away the thoughts of having not settled anything with Kite, who made it clear to him that she has forgiven Gon.

 

“Gon, do you miss Killua?”

 

The sudden question made Gon’s stomach flip. The mere mention of his name seemed to create butterflies in his stomach which swirled endlessly in loops. Seriously, is he even an Enhancer or a _Conjurer_?

 

But, frankly, he really does miss him.

 

“Yeah, I do. It’s like, we have been together for two years and… it feels quite off to see the view without him,” Gon said, something akin to sadness visible in his gold, shimmering eyes.

 

“While we did promise to talk to each other through the phone, it feels just completely different to talk with him personally than over the phone,” Gon said with a smile, as if he’s putting a mask over his face to hide the sadness that has laced his features.

 

Who knew it would be this painful to leave your one and only best friend? Gon’s mind suddenly flashed towards all the time he has spent with Killua and how it differs so much from the time he was all by himself, back when he was still in Whale Island. Gon felt emptiness fill a part of his chest. And it hurts _so terribly._

 

He admits though, he hasn’t talked with Killua about that incident since then. No one dared to open the topic to each other. They haven’t had any closure regarding that conflict. And frankly, it’s eating away at Gon. He feels so guilty regarding so many things.

 

And frankly, he hasn’t had any closure regarding any of it.

 

“And I still feel guilty that… I hurt him during _that time._ I haven’t even apologized to him for pushing him away. I became so selfish… I didn’t even think through any of my actions,” Gon said.

 

Suddenly, a prickle of tear fell from Gon’s golden eyes, like a dam bursting inside of him. Gon’s eyes widened like platters. He wiped his eyes with the sleeves of his green shirt, putting again another smile to hide the fact that he just teared up a few seconds ago.

 

Kite looked at him, her eyes filled with understanding of what Gon is feeling right now.

 

“You have many things you want to tell him.”

 

Gon nodded in agreement.

 

“It’s understandable to miss the man you have spent all these years with. It’s quite ironic though. Whenever we’re about to leave someone, we always think that, we have so many things to tell them when in fact, we had all the time before to tell them what we want to tell them. It’s like, the time we had spent with them wasn’t enough to tell them everything. That’s why, every second matters.”

 

Kite looked at Gon with seriousness filling her purple eyes.

 

“Gon, tell him whatever you want, whether it be through a phone call or a message. Whatever makes you comfortable enough. You don’t know when the next time will be able to tell him those thoughts. Don’t hesitate. Make use of your time to tell everyone you care about how much you feel for them,” Kite said, her voice still filled with care and gentleness.

 

Gon’s eyes widened in understanding as he committed everything Kite said to his memory.

 

“Mhm. I will,” Gon said, smiling in comprehension of what Kite has told him.

 

Kite was really the closest to a father figure Gon will ever have.

 

The boat they were on has slowed down, signaling that they have arrived in their destination. The sun has finally sat on its throne beyond the white, puffy clouds, its background filled with mixtures of yellow and blue. The small-billed swans waddled on the water, flying off the distance as they saw the sun sitting on its throne.

 

As the boat came to a halt, they all went down the boat and stood on the hard ground, smiling in awe as the small-billed swans flew towards the distant sky, like those depicted in landscape paintings.

 

“Kite.”

 

“Mhm?”

 

Gon smiled, his resolved formed and his eyes glimmering in all types of emotions difficult to be narrowed down into just one emotion.

 

“Thank you. And _sorry_.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me at Instagram @haryuuki_asukawa. I'm always active there. Talk to me about absolutely anything :)


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